Gender, Self, and Respect

Vol 3 No 7

I borrowed this blog from a Facebook post and changed nothing about it except to write this intro.  This is not a post that is directly related to Honors Studies, but it conveys a message that I think many Honors students can relate to.  This is a manifesto of someone who doesn’t fit into what society has decided is a mold and has had enough.  They are speaking up and becoming a voice for what they believe in and, more importantly, for who they are.  In Honors, and beyond, the people are dedicated to supporting students as individuals who are looking for a place to fit in.  Who may be looking for home.  There is adamancy in this post.  There is anger.  There is a determination that many of you will recognize.  There is also bravery…and I encourage all of you to hear the voice, and then to share your own voice, tell your own story, stand up for what you believe in and who you are.  And, when you’re ready, turn to the person next to you and do the same for them.

The author of this blog is April Broughton, Honors Studies librarian and adjunct faculty member, and one of the amazing library staff here at FLCC.  They fully embrace the message of Honors and many of you will know how dedicated they are to bettering the lives of students.  They carry a special torch for Honors and I think many of you will see why…

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This post brought to you by current political and social discourse and some stunningly callous, cruel, and inhumane comments read online.

My pronoun is ‘they’. Simple as that. I am not going to force you to use my preferred pronoun, I am not going to enforce compliance to my preferences. I simply expect you to respect me as a person enough to respect that preference and to act on it as best as you can. To not argue the invalidity of my preference, as to do so would suggest such a deep lack of regard for myself as a person that perhaps it would be best if you moved along.

Most importantly, your opinion does not invalidate my existence. Your denials flung in the name of grammar, of religion, do not invalidate my existence.

Grammar is a weak shield to offer. It is an avoidance of the fact that language is a living thing, and needs to be. I say this as an academic, a librarian, and an author. We need words to describe the world around us, to describe us. We sit in our meatspace, engage in slacktivism, and fuss about our First World Problems. Language has to be able to shift. And you do not get to pick the shifts you approve of while denying others. That aside, if your argument against using ‘they’ to refer to an individual of undefined or undesignated gender is a grammatical one, you have no ground to stand on. Yes, the use for it in regards to nonbinary individuals is more recent, but it has evolved from precedent where it has been used as an identifier for individuals where the gender is unknown or not important. Which seems to fit rather perfectly within the modern nonbinary usage. Merriam-Webster has an excellent brief discussion that can be read here: https://www.merriam-webster.com/wor…/singular-nonbinary-they

Religion is a weak shield to offer. We do not live in a theocracy, despite attempts to the contrary. I am free to practice my beliefs and not impose them upon you. I kindly ask the same respect from you. Refusing that request puts you as the aggressor and not as the self-righteous element you try to present as. My identity has no effect on your religion as I am not a part of it. Your choosing to be impacted by me is simply that, a choice. And it does not bear the weight you would like it to.

I repeat, your opinion does not invalidate my existence, does not invalidate me.

My personal identity, my ‘me’, consists of what makes me a person. What makes -me- a person. Not the bits you have decided should make up a person. The bits of my identity, the things I identify and hold dear. Only I am responsible for my self, my actions. You see the me that is specified by my attributes. You see my social roles, my habits, capacities, my skills. You may even be inclined to push an identity onto me, seeing my base biological attribute of girl-ness, and determining how I should fit in socially and culturally. You don’t take into account my identity, my inner coherence relating to emotional and cognitive states, the way I experience a sense of continuity of the self. Identity in the sense of a continual creation and integration, of self-consciousness and awareness. The me of self-determination. The me that you ignore in your drive to push an identity upon me, one that fits your narrative. I am responsible for my own narrative self. That self persists and exists despite your perceptions and opinion.

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Let's say it again...

...your opinion does not 

invalidate my existence...