Here is a Stick

Vol 3 No 12

Hello, friends.

Seasonal Affective Disorder.  Mental health issues in general.  Finals.  The Holidays.  Any number of things can cause us to long to run away and hide.  We all face challenges of varying levels of difficulty as we go from day to day.  It can make even the smallest task seem daunting.  It can become harder to eat, sleep, socialize, be productive.  And now that we are in the last few weeks of classes, I am sure that this sounds like a familiar song to some of you. 

The title of this blog comes from an owl named Boggle.  In the post, Boggle explains a few things about asking for help and about the things we can do for one another.  And for ourselves.  

I want to tell you that you are going to be okay.  In order for that to be true, though, I need you to do something for me.  Or rather, for you.

What I need you to do is get a 3 x 5 card or something similar and write the following words on it:

I AM WORTH IT

Then, on the back of the card, write down that you are worth the following things:

·        Self-care

·        A good night’s sleep

·        Fun and adventure

·        A good meal

·        The help of a friend

·        The help of a professional

I suspect you are starting to see where I am going with this.  Only one of those things is bolded and that’s because all of the other ones fall under that one main one.  I encounter students everyday who are not engaging in that first bullet in one way or another and I want so badly to be able to help them.  One thing I can do is to tell you that you are worth taking the time for self-care.  I think too often we feel that we have to push ourselves to distraction without stopping to breathe and relax.  But this relaxation is so important.  We have to stop and focus on ourselves now and then or all of those outside forces will keep pulling on us.  So, what is self-care?

“’Self-care’ refers to the active process of recovering, maintaining and improving one’s health” (Ziguras).  I love that this definition includes three levels of health – which means that it applies to all of us, regardless of our general mental health status.  Engaging in self-care means that you need to accept that you are worth caring about.  You are worth the care you give yourself and the care that is offered to you by others. 

And how do you engage in self-care?  Well, that depends a little bit on who you are, because “[f]orms of self-care are as numerous and diverse as the number of people who practice them; they run the gambit from extreme workouts to binge-baking sessions” (Carlson).  So engaging in self-care means that you need to know a little bit about who you are.  You really need to know what brings you some small measure of happiness or relaxation.  It can be anything from reading a book for a little while to practicing yoga, playing a video game to going for a walk, doing 50 jumping jacks and painting your toenails to watching cat videos for twenty minutes and drinking hot cocoa.

You notice something there?  Self-care does not have to involve that you wholly sacrifice your academic or professional success.  One of the most liberating things we can accept is that self-care does not mean giving up on your tasks or delaying your responsibilities to a dangerous level.   Self-care does not have to take hours of your time, nor does it have to cost a lot of money or require you to go anywhere in particular.  What it all boils down to is taking the time to do something that will help you relax and refocus.  Without these moments of indulgence, our stress and mental health runs the risk of becoming too much for us to handle.  We have to let some of the pressure off – reward ourselves for hard work and persistence, for doing something difficult or making progress on a project.  Self-care “doesn’t need to be anything elaborate” nor do we “need to do it all at once;” we just have to remember that “trying to fit in the basics is a great place to start,” because that will “give us a solid foundation to work from” (“Self-care”).

YOU ARE WORTH ALL OF THIS.

This said, I cannot stress enough that if you get to the point where you feel you cannot handle the stresses in your life, you should seek out someone you trust and get help.  Help-seeking is one of the most important and the hardest things we can do that falls under the category of self-care.  There is no shame in asking for help and although it might be difficult, it’s one of the most important things you can do.  We have counseling services on campus, and there are numerous faculty and staff who can help you find the services you need.  Don’t stay lost and alone if you can’t handle the stressors in your life.  Help is out there for you.  It is a sad truth that “despite the relatively high prevalence of elevated stress and mental health difficulties in college students, research has consistently revealed that most students who have a problem do not seek help” (Hubbard, et al).

FLCC Counseling Center 

National Suicide Prevention Hotline

Better for me is finding the best possible way to live and function while having struggles. I want to continue to grow and understand why my brain works the way it does. I want to learn how to prevent myself from closing off when I’m hurt. I want to put the work in and be able to stay rooted and confident in myself, my beliefs, and my mental state. I want to be the best me (Milner)

Works Cited

Carlson, Melissa. “Finding Health and Happiness the Write Way: Blogging as Self-Care Within Student Affairs and Higher Education.” Vermont Connection, vol. 36, Jan. 2015, pp. 23–30. EBSCOhost, ezproxy.flcc.edu/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=eue&AN=101367094&site=eds-live. Accessed 3 Dec. 2018.

Hubbard, Kimberly, et al. “Stress, Mental Health Symptoms, and Help-Seeking in College Students.” Psi Chi Journal of Psychological Research, vol. 23, no. 4, Fall 2018, pp. 293–305. EBSCOhost, ezproxy.flcc.edu/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=132602564&site=eds-live.  Accessed 3 Dec. 2018.

Milner, Alex.  "The Reality of 'Getting Better.'"  To Write Love on Her Arms.  26 Nov. 2018, twloha.com/blog/the-reality-of-getting-better/.  Accessed 3 Dec. 2018.

“Self-care for Busy People.”  Blurtitout.org.  The Blurt Foundation, 24 Oct. 2017, www.blurtitout.org/2017/10/24/self-care-for-busy-people/.  Accessed 3 Dec. 2018.

Ziguras, Christopher.  Self-care:  Embodiment, Personal Autonomy and the Shaping of Health Consciousness.  Routledge, 2004.  Google Books.  books.google.com/books?id=CksXt89K-6QC&printsec=frontcover&source=gbs_ge_summary_r&cad=0#v=onepage&q&f=false.  Accessed 3 Dec, 2018.

We Got Hugs

Vol 3 No 8

The following is a transcript of the little speech I gave at the Honors Dinner on October 30, 2018.  We had an amazing gathering of faculty, students, staff, and alumni where we shared food, stories, hugs, tears, and laughter.  For those who came, thank you.  For those who did not - I hope to see you at next semester's dinner.  :)

There is a Tweet that keeps popping up on my Facebook feed that says “we have officially hit the point in the semester where every college kid is at least half sick, probably in the midst of an emotional breakdown, and very behind in several classes.  Please be nice to us. We’re trying our best and we all just need a hug.”  This has resonated with me for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that it is also true for faculty – but that isn’t really important right now.  What gets me about it is that I first saw it right after I sent out the Honors Study survey and, for those of you that did it, you’ll remember that there was a question on there that asked what concerns you face as a student.  The top three responses are so telling:  Time management or procrastination (73%), stress (71%), and (tied for third) work load and mental health (49%).  Ouch, right?  It rather makes me wonder how different the responses would be if I had asked at the beginning of the semester.  Part of me thinks they would be radically different, but part of me thinks that Honors students tend to be aware enough to know that they face these things regardless of what point of the semester we happen to be in.

Lately, it feels like I do nothing in my classes but teach content and talk about the crises we are facing in the world around us – the barrage of dark and painful news that greets us each day and makes many of our hearts hurt.  But, as much as we are members of communities both large and small, I think that it is equally important to acknowledge that our individual worlds are in flux as well.  This is not a permanent state and, in some cases, it’s just par for the course as we watch October die into November and realize how few short weeks there are until the end of the semester (seven, counting Thanksgiving, if you’re wondering).  I mean, this is what you all signed up for as students right?  You are rapidly becoming used to this, if you haven’t become so already.  I mean, it still hits you like a ton of bricks every time, but at least it’s not catching you entirely off guard anymore. 

 …right.

Anyway, this feeling becomes even more pronounced for Honors students, and not because the courses are harder, exactly, but because the demand on you is a little bit higher.  Sometimes – okay, nearly all of the time – this demand on you comes equal parts from yourself as well as your faculty.  37% of you wouldn’t value class discussions more than other aspects of your Honors courses if you weren’t actually participating.  It’s hard to hide when its seminar seating, and personal reflection requires a certain amount of vulnerability.  That teaching style that over half of you value most in your instructors?  If we break it down, it’s one that challenges and expects you to be more engaged, attentive, and self-aware than you might have to be elsewhere.   We know that, and, for the most part, we also know that you are up to the task.

But you are so tired.  I can see it in your faces and in your postures.  I can sometimes tell it in the work you are doing.  I can hear it in what you say and how you say it.  I read it in your Facebook posts and in your informal writing.  But I can also see that you are not giving up.  You still have your dreams and your big ideas, you still come to class and engage in those conversations you love so much, you’re still planning for the future.  You’re poring over course offerings as you build your schedules for next semester.  You’re looking at colleges and transfer programs, and wondering what it will be like at a whole new school.

And you’ll make it.  You’ll figure it out.  Some of you may stumble and need to regain your footing, but you’ll make it.  You may make it in a way that you never expected, but you’ll make it.  I’ve seen it time and time again in countless different ways.  Those stories, some outwardly big and some quietly so, are what make every day that I do this – in the face of my own exhaustion – worth it.  I mean it when I tell my students that they are going to change the world.  Even if the only person they change it for is themselves.  And I know that my fellow faculty feel much the same.   You will make it.

One of the things that will sustain you is….well…coffee.   But, beyond that, it’s the people around you.  They understand better than anyone the pressure you are under and the pressure you put on yourself.  In their own way, they are doing the exact same thing and who better to be there to help shore you up than someone who also needs shoring up for the same reasons.  Get help when you need it, lean on one another, stay focused, have goals and make sure you take time out for yourself.  Go play in the leaves if it ever stops raining.  Or just go play in the rain.  Go bowling and have a chuckle at how low your score is.  Or at least laugh at the shoes.  Do art.  Make words.  Sing at the top of your lungs.  Jump up and down on your bed.  Laugh until you can’t breathe.  Binge watch some Netflix.  Make an ice cream sundae and eat it without guilt.  Get together with other students and have some pasta…oh, wait.  Good job!  In other words, do whatever makes you truly happy for a little while. 

And then get back to work.  Because no one can do this for you; in the end, you have to stay the course and do the work on your own.  You chose the path you are on and you have to be the one who walks that path.  You have to do the work and make the grades and be satisfied with the results.  Or you have to accept that you’re going to fail this time, but that it isn’t the end of the world and you can learn from failure.  You can always pick yourself up and do better next time and mistakes can be the most amazing teachers.  No matter how it all plays out, you have to realize and accept that all of it really is on you.

But if you need a hug?  You’ll find one in Honors.  From me, from a classmate, from another faculty member.  We’ve got hugs.  All you have to do is ask.

Survive and Thrive....

Vol 2. No 15.

Well, we have made it to the last week of the semester and we are in the midst of a number of holiday celebrations and preparations.  To that end, this blog is about how to best survive the next week as you finish up all of your work and reflect on the semester – and year – you have had.  I hope this helps some of you…

Talk to Your Faculty – If you have any concerns at all about your grades or your work, go talk to your faculty.  Chances are, they are more than happy to have a chat.  You may not get the news or the answer you want or need, but those conversations are important as well.  Just remember that faculty are also under a lot of stress and they need you to be a little patient and understanding as well.  This is not the week to ask about extra credit!

Get Academic Help – There is no shame at all in getting the academic help you need to succeed.  We have so many support services on campus that are staffed with people who have dedicated their lives to YOUR success.  That’s quite a thing to think about.  We don’t hide these offices in corners of the building, but rather put them where they might best be useful.  For science help, there is the The Science Incubator – with comfy study spaces and the science equipment you need to understand those tougher concepts.  For math help, we have The Math Center.  If you are anything like me, this place will be a lifesaver as you plan for your final work in math classes.  For writing those reflective essays and anything else related to writing, there is The Writing Center.  Last but not least, there is general tutoring for all other sorts of classes and available in General Tutoring.   Successful or struggling, confused or confident – these places are all designed to help you get the most out of your education.

Get Emotional Help – There is also no shame in realizing that you are stressed, scared, floundering, or generally feeling lost or panicky.  It is a difficult time for many for a lot of reasons, and you might find you need a little extra support to get through this last week.  Seek it out.  Counseling Services on campus will give you that support in a sensitive, confidential, and attentive way.  If you don’t feel comfortable going alone, seek out a trusted friend or faculty member to walk you there.  Your health is important, please do what you can to protect it.

Take Care of You – Even if you do not feel you require counseling services, it is important to take care of yourself.  And this means your whole self – get as much sleep as you can, take breaks from studying and working on projects, eat some healthy and sustaining foods along with those cookies from home.  Go out and play in the snow.  Go caroling.  Bake.  Drink cocoa.  Go bowling.  Call home.  Perform random acts of kindness.  Play a game.  Listen to music.  In other words, take the time to do some things throughout the week that will help you stay happy and productive when you are working and studying.

And my last piece of advice as you face this final week….

BREATHE.

When all is said and done, this is one semester in a lifetime of learning and experiencing and no matter what happens right now, life will go on and you will survive and succeed.  You got this.  You really do.  No matter how it unfolds, you can do it.